I have come to the conclusion that I have not one but two children. You see... many of you are unaware how funny and childish Steven really is. Here is a typical day for me...
6:00 am: I feel a soft rumbling on my leg... yes, Steve has just passed gas on me. I am NOT one to mess with in the morning, so I give him a few nice elbows. "What?" ... "What do you mean what? Are you serious? you just farted on me?" ... "No I didn't"..."uuughhhhh"
6:45 am: "Hunnie, Hunnie, Hunnie, Hunnie, Hunnie, Hunnie," You see he repeats this until I wake up then says: "I am going to the gym and then I am gonna get coffee" Really? I had no idea... you only told me that say.... 5 times last night? Oh P.S. Steven... I hate you right now... I woke up 3 times last night to feed Lola then twice more because she peed through her diaper at 4:00 am and then had a blow out at 5:00 am. Oh you don't know what a blow out is? it's when she craps so much it comes out of her diaper and all over in her sleeper. Yes, I have to clean that up. I am nice enough to let you sleep through it... what a concept!
You see it doesn't stop because he is working... When I am home I have the pleasure of getting what I like to call "sneak previews" of what is too come after work. My un-fav thing he does is when he comes hippity hopping down the stairs with his head tilted to the side like a gay man. He does this to annoy me... Between the hours of 7:00 am - 5:00 pm at any given time. Sometimes he will randomly stop in the middle of whatever room he is in and turn to me and say, "Give me some of this" while busting out in full on Napoleon Dynamite dance. Yes, this is the same quiet Steven you all know. I just know him better. and I am not saying that is a good thing.
So after work today he says to me, "Hunnie, I woke up this morning and realized what I was meant to do." I took this statement seriously and was actually excited to have an adult convo, I mean lately all Lola does is this yelling thing. (Yes, she has found her lungs). So I responded with the logical question... "What is that hun?"
"ROCK!!!" He yells out loud all the while throwing up devil horns. I could not help but bust out in laughter. I mean this is my life... What the eff did I get myself into? I take a look at Lola and then go to look back at him thinking to myself "I really have two children." and he has made his way over to me and says "Come on hun, sing AC/DC's song: Sink the Pink with me" "No... thanks." I reply.
P.S. He is serious.
The rest of the night I am blessed with him sending his friends random funny text messages, and showing me what there responses are. I am not going to lie. I do take part in this childish act from time to time. I once sent a picture of Coco's rear too about 5 of his friends and my Pops (Sorry Dad and sorry Coco for exploiting your rear) But this was all Steve's idea not mine. Sometimes we go into the computer room together and he will say something along the lines of "Hunnie, look at this cool car" and I will look over only too see a picture of a 447 pound woman in lingerie. Yes, again... this is the same Steven you all know.
So my Friends this is why I have two children. Please feel free to leave comments on how childish your hunnie is so I don't feel quite as bad. Thanks.
P.S. I love this man :)
6:00 am: I feel a soft rumbling on my leg... yes, Steve has just passed gas on me. I am NOT one to mess with in the morning, so I give him a few nice elbows. "What?" ... "What do you mean what? Are you serious? you just farted on me?" ... "No I didn't"..."uuughhhhh"
6:45 am: "Hunnie, Hunnie, Hunnie, Hunnie, Hunnie, Hunnie," You see he repeats this until I wake up then says: "I am going to the gym and then I am gonna get coffee" Really? I had no idea... you only told me that say.... 5 times last night? Oh P.S. Steven... I hate you right now... I woke up 3 times last night to feed Lola then twice more because she peed through her diaper at 4:00 am and then had a blow out at 5:00 am. Oh you don't know what a blow out is? it's when she craps so much it comes out of her diaper and all over in her sleeper. Yes, I have to clean that up. I am nice enough to let you sleep through it... what a concept!
You see it doesn't stop because he is working... When I am home I have the pleasure of getting what I like to call "sneak previews" of what is too come after work. My un-fav thing he does is when he comes hippity hopping down the stairs with his head tilted to the side like a gay man. He does this to annoy me... Between the hours of 7:00 am - 5:00 pm at any given time. Sometimes he will randomly stop in the middle of whatever room he is in and turn to me and say, "Give me some of this" while busting out in full on Napoleon Dynamite dance. Yes, this is the same quiet Steven you all know. I just know him better. and I am not saying that is a good thing.
So after work today he says to me, "Hunnie, I woke up this morning and realized what I was meant to do." I took this statement seriously and was actually excited to have an adult convo, I mean lately all Lola does is this yelling thing. (Yes, she has found her lungs). So I responded with the logical question... "What is that hun?"
"ROCK!!!" He yells out loud all the while throwing up devil horns. I could not help but bust out in laughter. I mean this is my life... What the eff did I get myself into? I take a look at Lola and then go to look back at him thinking to myself "I really have two children." and he has made his way over to me and says "Come on hun, sing AC/DC's song: Sink the Pink with me" "No... thanks." I reply.
P.S. He is serious.
The rest of the night I am blessed with him sending his friends random funny text messages, and showing me what there responses are. I am not going to lie. I do take part in this childish act from time to time. I once sent a picture of Coco's rear too about 5 of his friends and my Pops (Sorry Dad and sorry Coco for exploiting your rear) But this was all Steve's idea not mine. Sometimes we go into the computer room together and he will say something along the lines of "Hunnie, look at this cool car" and I will look over only too see a picture of a 447 pound woman in lingerie. Yes, again... this is the same Steven you all know.
So my Friends this is why I have two children. Please feel free to leave comments on how childish your hunnie is so I don't feel quite as bad. Thanks.
P.S. I love this man :)
1 comments:
OMG you are cracking me up here! Britton and Steve would get along quite well as yes, Britton is totally a retard just like Steve (sorry Steve, but clearly it's true!!)! I, on the other hand, don't always see the humor in his ignorance!! No, you are not alone, and I feel your pain :o)!! I feel even more sorry for you because it will only get worse with time! And what I mean by that is that when Lola gets a little older, say 5 years old, it will be you against them just like at my house! I can totally see them shooting you with a nerf rocket launcher while you are unaware and trying to talk on the phone! Good luck :o)
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